A Drop of Awkwardness

Feeling awkward is an emotional state which is usually experienced by many, in different situations. There are some scenarios in our life which commit discomfort or embarrassment to ourselves and to the people around us. Oftentimes, it happens in a social or family gatherings. I am myself experienced being awkward every during a family event. And the last time was only recently when our family had a swimming outing to celebrate one of my niece’s birthday.

I was skeptical at first to join them because there’s still a threat of covid. Good thing that the resort we booked-in has a strict safety and health protocols, so I decided to attend. It’s still summer and best time to plunge and refresh myself from all the stress of pandemic. All my four siblings and their family were there except our mom because she’s already a senior citizen and it’s not healthy for her to go out. My grown-up nieces and nephews also invited their girlfriends and boyfriends. It was indeed a happy get together. The resort was not crowded and big enough for all of us.

I enjoyed myself and swim with my sisters, little nephews and nieces. We were all having fun with the refreshing water from the pool. And then, we all gather for picture taking. The awkward moment I’ve been avoiding to. We were all in the pool and my niece started to take pictures, by family. One by one, my four siblings with their family posed infront of camera, in different angles. I went to the other side of the swimming pool watching them while smiling and enjoying being photographed in their best shots. Actually I was truly happy seeing them with their family in complete attendance.

When I thought the picture taking was already finished, I was about to join them again. But one of them jokingly said that I should also take pictures with the statues around the pool as my family because I still don’t have my own. Everybody just laughed and continue to take pictures. I just smiled and went underwater for a few seconds, then swam back to my previous position. I just tried to ignore what I’ve heard because it was just a joke. But I couldn’t deny the discomfort I felt at that very moment. It felt like I just wanted to submerge myself into the water for longer time.

I don’t know why I’m always feel awkward towards my family in a situation like this, especially in a special occasions like New year or Christmas or even in a family reunion. They always makes me feel like an outcast, just because I haven’t married yet. Anyway, like I always did, I just ignored and let it passed. They are still my family no matter what.

2 thoughts on “A Drop of Awkwardness”

  1. I can do relate. I have no immediate family, just relatives and I am on their B list. Or benched. I was thanked for coming to my grandma’s funeral, like a guest, while the rest of the clan bid me goodbye and went to an inner family circle event. Like we should do coffee and talk…
    I am married now with kids, and it’s made things more awkward in different ways. It’s meant more exclusion (I’m not some weird family loaner they need to include.) And my husband’s family all live 2,000 miles away.
    It can hurt. Hugs.
    And it sounds like you handle these moments with aplomb and grace.

    Liked by 1 person

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