The past month has been hard on me, physically, mentally and emotionally. I almost lose myself. I was really stressed because of some unexpected things which happened to me and my family. I become distracted with everything. I cannot focus even in a smallest deed. I tried to write but nothing comes to my mind. I lost my concentration. My body also wants to do nothing. I really felt weak and tired of everything. I didn’t want to do anything.
Then I found myself lying on bed, staring on the ceiling and think of nothing. My mind got blank in a few minutes, unconsciously smiling and crying. Am I gone crazy? That was the first thought came to me after my mind back to normal. Then I realized I shouldn’t be like this, it wasn’t me. I need to get back myself and start thinking what I need to do. I need to refocus and head back on my track.
The next morning, I prepared myself to go out for a walk. It was still dark outside and a bit cold. I went to the place I used to jog before the pandemic but unfortunately it was closed. Jogging and other activities are still not allowed in the area. As I walk and try to find another place to jog, rain started to fall. Maybe the heavens didn’t want me to stay outside because it’s still unsafe.
I went home thinking what shall I need to do for me to forget being stressed out. I should start by doing things physically to regain my strength. I should at least do something productive in a day everyday, that would be my goal.
For the first step, I transformed my self being a laborer. I start by doing repair works in our kitchen. I fixed our kitchen cabinet and on the following day, I redesigned the kitchen counter. It’s really tiring but at least I started to get back my concentration.
I start to feel that I’m being me again. And by doing such physical works, I know my mind will follow. Little by little I can do the things I used to do and refocus on what I love doing most. Though I lost my track, thanks God I still found my way back.