When my best isn’t good enough

What if we already did our best, but still it wasn’t good enough? I always asked myself that question and unfortunately it remain as question for me.

When I was in grade three, my teacher asked us to draw the community where we belong. I really don’t have any talent in drawing, but still I tried to do the best I can. So I drew in my notebook our neighborhood, the surroundings, and everything I found in our community. I didn’t have any crayons so my drawings turned to be like black and white. Maybe I repeated my drawing five times before I decided to submit it, because I wanted it to be neat and detailed. When I passed it to my teacher, she returned it to me saying that I need to repeat it at home because my drawing has no color and that I need to draw it beautifully in a bond paper. I thought, how can I make it beautiful in my teacher’s eye, the fact that I repeated it already many times? So when I got home, I tried harder to drew it again and borrowed my sister’s crayons. I gave it to my teacher the next day and she looked at my drawing with disappointment, giving it back to me without checking and without uttering a word. I was very sad that moment. In my sensitive and young mind, I feel rejected for the first time. And it hurts knowing I did my best but it wasn’t good enough. From then on, I just tried to improve my handwriting because that’s what I do best, drawing is not my talent.

When I was already a teacher, I never force my students to do something that I know they aren’t capable of. I accepted their work eventhough it’s not quite impressive, as long as they were the one who did it and not others, that’s what matters to me. I appreciated the effort they spent doing the best they can, expressing their self in their output. I know the feeling of doing the best you can but still rejected. It already happened to me multiple times. And I didn’t want my students to experience the same thing. I appreciated every little things my students do everyday. Because I know a simple act of appreciation can boost their confidence and motivation to do better. They deserved to be accepted for who they are and for what they can do best. It would make a huge impact as they grow to be a better person.

I know rejections are just normal in this life, but still it hurts knowing that eventhough I tried harder, it’s still not good enough. I myself seldom receive an appreciation to everything I do best and I don’t know why. As time passes by I used to learn that I don’t need to please everybody, as long as I know I did well, it’s already good enough for me. But sometimes I can’t help thinking if there’s really some kind of doing better than best. I want to be enlighten.

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