Time check: 1:15 am, and still finding myself tossing on my bed for almost 3 hours, trying different positions where I could fall asleep quickly. It’s a peaceful night and everybody is already in the middle of their deep sleep, and here I am struggling to get one. I close my eyes and erased all possible thoughts that might hinder for me to get sleep, but like the many previous nights, I failed. I didn’t know what time I actually fell asleep because again I woke up at 3am. And then again, struggle for more than an hour getting back to sleep. That scenario happens to me almost every night. Because of that, I always wake up late in the morning and feel sleepy and less productive the whole day. I do not know yet if it’s insomnia or whatever sleep disorder I have. In my case, it’s difficult for me to fall asleep fast and wake up multiple times every night and I can’t get back to sleep quickly. It affects the quality of my sleep and my activity during the day.
When I was still teaching, I really knew then that I wasn’t getting enough quality sleep. As teachers need to do a lot of preparations in the evening for the next day classes. I used to sleep then at almost midnight and wake up as early as 5am, having only more or less 5 hours of sleep every night for the past 10 years of my teaching career. But that was a straight 5 hours of undisturbed sleep, maybe because I was tired and stressed the whole day. So when I left my teaching job, I used that chance to get back all my sleepless time. I changed my body clock, though its quite difficult at first, I used to adjust to it, until I get a complete eight hours of sleep each night. But problem arised when after few months, I started to wake up several times at night without any reason at all. Sometimes the number of hours I’m awake are as much as the number of hours of my sleep. Not to mention the dreams and nightmares I encountered during those short time of sleep, which sometimes makes me feel tired as I woke up. As I calculated, I only get less than five hours of sleep in total each night. I already did lessen my caffeine intake, do morning exercise and avoided too much usage of any gadgets before bedtime. But still ineffective for me. I also tried to sleep as early as 8pm, but still end up sleeping late at night.
For now, I continue finding ways to get a better quality sleep. I once thinking of taking sleeping pills but I know it won’t help for the long run. I also know that my health is at risk if this disrupted sleep of mine will continue. I might consider to seek medical assistance if this get worst. I just hope one day, I’ll experience getting a straight good night sleep, just like when I was a child, to bring back my active lifestyle during the day.